To have it all and not know it...to let happiness pass you by...to want all the wrong things...and get what you want and unknowingly let it drift past you. As I sit here in a half-awake state on a Saturday night I am wondering these very things. I am in a sense a walking controversy. I try hard at all the wrong things and take everything way more seriously than I should. Carpe Diem is what I attempt but fruitlessly try to live by. To be able to make the most of every moment and every situation. I let so many things irritate me and get in the way of what I want for myself on the whole. I guess it's a bit of a product of always having to go beyond what was expected of me. I guess that carried on and I feel that I need to impress people at all times, and everything that is said to me is taken in that context and I feel the need to constantly validate myself and my actions. I guess it's oft a two-way street with there being people that will constantly have to have the last word, but I guess I just want to be able to not have to constantly be in tug-of-war match. Ahh this is irritating and is a culmination of me being anxious and nervous about the upcoming school year and trying to figure out what to do to make this year even better.

I am in NH now and it's really nice, but for the first time in a while I am getting homesick. There's definitely something to be said about the south and Tennessee especially. People definitely are a lot more cordial, carefree, and seem to carry a smile around everywhere. Not that the differences are bad, but it definitely gives me something to look forward to.

We went out to Boston last night, and after many attempts at finding a club, finally settled on Roxy. I enjoyed myself. Who knew scantily clad girls dancing on a stage could be so much fun. If you are ever in Boston and go out and enjoy the nightlife be sure not to wear jeans, hats, or flip-flops. They are kind of crazy like that. The beaches in NH are nice and the people are easy on the eyes.

In other news I desperately need to get on to buying stuff for my room next year. AHH! I am so ready for school to start also....maybe I can get my mind off boys then. I feel like a fucking 9th grade girl. Oh and b-t-dubs I have a cellyo now so hit me up on aim or send a message on here for the new number.

Back to the Tenn-Spot this Tuesday.

Peace (0)(0)Keary